DEALING WITH GRIEF/SEPERATION.

They say you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone,but in real sense,most people do.The only difference is,they just don’t think they’ll loose that particular person.

One of the worst mistakes when it comes to grief,is not dealing with your feelings and emotions when it happens and instead putting on a show of how strong you can be.It’s alright to break down otherwise you can’t run away from it.

You may think to yourself,yes i’m strong but eventually when you least expect,all the emotions will begin to manifest and sometimes not in a pleasant manner.

Haven’t you come across someone that people deem to as having changed after the death or separation from a loved one?If not,i can attest to people changing .

You basically witness someone that was jovial prior to the ordeal being grumpy and angry for no apparent reason.Truth is,there’s a reason.There are people who don’t know how to handle grief and come on,no one does as most times it’s usually unexpected but the outward expression from their failure to “mourn” comes off as anger.

I’ve been on both ends,i always seemed to understand people when they lost their kin until i lost someone very close to me and i could now feel the magnitude.It’s all okay and easy to advise someone until you’re faced with the same incident or worse and you realize you can’t even take your own advise.

There’s one thing my bestfriend told me at the time,you’re always trying to act as if everything is perfect,but look…it’s me.Just take as much time as you can but after it all,remember it’s up to you to decide whether to put an end to your grief or it will end up consuming you.That hit hard.

What happens after grief,people claim to always Lookout for you and you can actually call them when need be but it’s until you actualize it that you realize you’re in it alone.It takes only the realest of friends to stand by you through it all until you’re out of it.

Nobody is telling you to forget you’re loved ones.That’s far from what this is,but take it from me.Mourn when it’s happening otherwise if you decide to do the opposite like i did,those episodes will be relieved from time to time and it will somehow alter with the peace you had began being accustomed to.

Sometimes people can be very inconsiderate or kind of mean unintentionally especially because we grief differently.There are those who take a few weeks,others a couple of months whereas some even several years.They may not understand why it’s taking you so long to get over the death or seperation of your loved one.

Like i said,you’ll never really understand the magnitude of something until you’re on the receiving end.Otherwise,it’s good if people just tamed what they said or simply filtered it for the sake of how the party on the receiving end feels.

Without a great support system everything with grief is hard.You don’t know who to vent to,who to call when you can’t handle the pain anymore therefore for those people who don’t believe in friendships,they come in handy otherwise you might end up nursing depression and loss at the same time.I realized the importance of cultivating good relationships in our day to day lives.

I may have failed to mention something that i never used to understand until i experienced death first-hand.Anger towards God.I didn’t think it’s possible to be so angry with God when i shouldn’t have.I couldn’t come into terms with why he’d let him die instead of letting him live even if it’s just for a few years.Maybe five,ten.You can’t blame me for being a little greedy with my request.I blamed God for so long until i got to see beyond reasons why things had to turn out like they did.

It’s a choice we get to make at some point so as to move foward and that is to make peace with the past so as to experience the present.Not just to experience it, but to enjoy the experiences.Life doesn’t stop for us who are left behind.Infact,it’s usually the beginning of a new life for us as we accomplish the things they didn’t manage .We get to see life for what it really is.

If you’ve recently experienced grief,that’s not the end yet.Yes it is for the deceased but that’s a different case for you.Live life to the fullest and explore every bit.The pain will never go away but you’ll learn to live with the loss.Chin up!